I'm Just A Girl (Living In Captivity)

Some days ago, two (former) classmates of mine were having a conversation - I wasn't there, by the way - and a portion of it was recounted to me by one of the participants. This portion revolved around a discussion on a certain female classmate's behaviour. This person - surprise, surprise - was me.

Harry said*: "She's confident girl, she has a strong character."

Okay! So far so good.

"But she doesn't know that power comes in more forms than an overt exertion of it."

At first, I was taken aback. To begin with, why were these two guys talking about me? In the middle of the night too, as I found out later. The days following that revelation, my self-worth as a member of the female of the species was more than a little shaken. Was I deficient of something? Is this why I sometimes feel I am not getting what I want out of my romantic relationships? Am I portraying too much of the "strong woman, and too little of the "little", so as to give off the impression that I'm superbly independent, hence needing no extra luvin' (this to the loves of my life), and by turns intimidating and/or putting off a fair bit of the rest of the male population?

However, after sitting on such thoughts too magnificently boring to be known to anyone but myself, I realised that, dammit, these guys can think that way if they want, I don't care. I shouldn't allow anyone to affect the me that I am, eh?

Alright, to be fair, Barry^ has clarified that they didn't - necessarily (this being my own deduction) - mean it in a negative sense.

But still, it's silly, innit? Barry admits, very honestly - I have to give him credit for that - that he likes his girls sweet, demure and passive. And - outwardly, at least - submissive. The archetypal "little woman". And, get this: he doesn't mind them being inwardly manipulative. It's fine with him, as long as the gender roles are played out (and, I would imagine, that he knows so too).

To elaborate:
If he suggests something, and she doesn't like it, she should ideally say "Ok, anything you say, dear!" with a sweet smile plastered on her face.And then later pull a long face.That, my dear reader, works fine for him. Apparently, it lets him feel all macho and big, even though he really knows that the girl's pulling all the strings backstage. But, so long as he looks like he's the one in control on stage, then he sees no problem with it. (Ok "Barry", if you're reading this, I know I'm taking the Mickey out of you here, but it's all in good humour, yes?)

I say: "I was thinking of going someplace else instead? Do you think that's alright with you?"I mean, what could be possibly wrong with that, right? Saves the whole nod-agree-smile-sulk fiasco, don't you think? With my ex I was like that, initially. But then after a year of misunderstandings and frustrations big and small, I think it's just so much simpler and easier to just say what I mean, and mean what I say. To as far an extent as I can, of course. Another caveat, needless to say, is to be mindful of my boy's feelings.

Hmn. While I'm at it, maybe an illustration would do aptly?

For that big 'ole macho feeling:

(NB: The words at the bottom should read "Modesty-protector." I don't know why the "Modesty" got mangled. Oh. So written because, as you can see, The Boyfriend's actually topless. Oh oh oh - and the tee reads: Half Man Half Horse.)

But, if you wanna be a demure, sweet, weak "little woman", never do this:

It's not that I'm a bra-burning feminist, no, don't get me wrong here: I have my days of "little woman"-hood too. It's just that, I think it's so much more energy-efficient and straightforward to communicate our feelings plainly to each other. Let's not play too many mind games, ya? Besides, The Boyfriend and I get kicks from playful banter, not the playing out of gender roles. That said however - to each his own la hor, so long as all are willing parties, no one gets hurt, hoorah to you.

*names changed to protect the anonymous (for innocent they are not).

^ don't you think it's funnier when these fake names rhyme?