Today, I went down to the office, where I'd be posted in less than a month. My colleague and namesake, who entered the company a few months earlier than I under the same scheme, brought me around to say hello to the people I'd be working with in the very near future. I was awed by how bubbly and chummy she was with everyone - peers, uncles, aunties and superiors alike. I thought to myself: I couldn't do that.
What happened between kindergarten and 2006?
Actually, I think the transformation truly engendered sometime between JC, my ex (I'm kidding. I think.) and Uni. Those were my angstiest years and I think they have truly made their mark. But that's not the point. The thing is I've been briefed that there'll be a lot more networking and relationship-building in the days to come. As I was told that, I felt a discernable "sinking feeling" in my tummy. Ugh. Am I up to it?
It's not that I don't like people. It's just that, over the years, I've turned increasingly inwards, clamming up instead of reaching out to people. (Some people term it "self-centredness". Others call it "social reticence". How it happened is the real mystery.) The thing is, I like myself the way I am! I don't want to be made to feel bad for who I am, but on the other hand, I know some amount of socialising has to be done to survive in the corporate world. Once again, it's not that I don't like people. I just am, well, for lack of a better term, selectively sociable - and I think many of us are too. The two-fold factor here is also that I just don't like to be told, hey, you need to hob-nob. Whatever happened to doing things because you liked them? Oh yeah, I forgot, that got thrown out of the window once childhood swung past the corner.
Ohhh, all this existential angst.
8 comments:
You'll be able to do it too, Two! I only warmed up to them after a few weeks as well. They're all nice folks and will make u feel at home so no worries yah..u'll be able to settle in very well :) Can't wait for u to be back! Heard u might be sitting next to me :)
Haha, can't believe you still read this old thing, One! I kinda knew you'd say that if I told you - and you're right - but I guess today's meetings was more about me getting jolted from this feeling of general nuahness and laziness. I've got to start learning more things about the company, and fast! Bleargh bleargh bleargh. Anyways, thanks. :)
just a regular reader here who pops by ur site on and off. loved ur travelling posts! just wondering u arent gonna fly anymore?
take care!
joanne
Hi Joanne! Are you by any chance any of the Joannes I know? Well yeah, I'm going to have my wings clipped pretty soon. But it's alright, I guess. It's what I signed up for in the first place. Normally, this is where an emoticon would pop up, but i'm using this goddamn jap keyboard and i can't find the damn paranthesis or colon anywhere on it. so yah. *smile* thx for the comment, though! my ego has been massaged.
here's the smily! :) haha. well im a total stranger! not a joanne you know of. teehee. i happened to chance upon your blog a few mths back, so that's y. but do keep writing. cus tis' quite a cool blog you've got!
joanne
heh thx joanne. n fion, whose comment i didn't publish due to some company restriction - so you know what the answer is. all of a sudden i'm getting words of encouragement from total strangers, like, wow! maybe it's the same one person masquerading as two different ppl, haha. anyway, thx. i'll try to update again soon. but now, i've a life to lead! woohoo!
so u mean updating blog is not living a life?..hmmm
Contrary to popular opinion, one needs material with which to write a blog. This material usually comes from the experiences one has had, ie. from living one's life.
Nevertheless, Ms Coddle shall not disappoint, oh anonymous you. She shall deign to blog soon.
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